It has nothing to do with revenge
You feel the anger
You feel the fear
You feel the hurt
You feel the disappointment
There is a choice
In your soul you debate the pathway
You can go the route of hate
You can go the route of anger
You can go the route of pain
There is a choice
Be true to what you feel and give yourself to feeling the emotions.
The real you will always show in the end. Despite being honest about what you feel, you can still decide to return to kindness, truth and love.
You have that choice.
You own your choices, regardless of what is done to you. Regardless of your own wrong choices that led you down the wrong paths, you have a choice in what you become after.
I choose to live free of that anger, hate, pain and disappointment. When those emotions go I choose not to be defined by them but to walk on in truth, kind essential and love.
I have a choice and so do you.
“How can I ease your pain, if you keep coming back for more pain?” – Unknown
Right now you want to cry out of pain you feel because of reality. Reality showed you time and again that someone else has presented an illusion of how they feel about you. He lied to you. He does not care enough about you to respect you. Now that he doesn’t need you, he has moved on to someone else. His pattern continues on with another female.
As much as you want to cry and feel bad about yourself over this, he is and has issues deeper than what he has made known.
You are a very beautiful woman, both inside and out. You are flawed, just as is everyone, but you still are beautiful and I want you to really grasp that. He will never deserve you. But he, too, deserves to be happy. Forgive that. Let that go. He made that decision to play with your heart and emotions.
You were true to him. You are not the problem. Asking yourself “why?” Is irrelevant. Let it go. Let him go. With all that is within you, forgive yourself. Learn and move forward in peace. Believe that you do deserve so much more than what he and all others like him has offered you. Believe that you are worth more than diamonds and pearls can buy.
You want love, and absolutely nothing is wrong with that, but the cost that this guy paid to have you is mere rocks as compared to your value.
Never look down on your worth.
They say that life can change in a matter of minutes, I believe that. This past weekend was one of wonder, in the beginning it was not one of pleasurable wonder but a rather painful but as I ponder I think that lives can change, whether for the bad or good, in a matter of minutes. Mind you the situation was in the making for months, and as for the red flags well I completely bypassed them because I wanted what I wanted and all I could see was my desires and not the truth that was staring me in the face from the beginning.
Hearing truth is hard, but I think only for those who hold on tightly to what they want. Having to let go, despite your own desires is a painful thing. In this situation I had to let go because the truth was so blatant, so raw, so real and true that there was no other way. I do wish things would be different, and in my favor but for one wishing for something isn’t helping anyone (in fact it likely only keeps you in denial!) and two you have to see things for what they are and accept that things won’t change. Once you do both of those two things then you are in a better position to make a decision and/or just move onward.
I did some wondering. I wondered what life would be like if things were different and in my favor. Would I be happier? Would I be satisfied? I don’t really know. But even so, wondering the ‘what if’s’ can’t do anything but help to keep me dwelling in something that is and has past. After I did the wondering, I decided to live in the present and accept what is and what has past, and to live for me.
We can’t change the way people think and feel about us or how they decided to treat us, whether positive or negative, but we can change how we receive (and if we receive) the negatives from other people. We can decide not to dwell on the emotionally negatives, but to accept what is (even when negative) and change how we move forward.
By no means do I write that all of this is easy, and to each his or her own, but all things are possible. And the fact that there is possibility in the midst of difficulty, makes it all the more reason to take the opportunity.
We all have ups and downs. It is a part of life. I’ve been thinking for the last day, that I can’t regret “P” in my life. I so very much have grown to love him. But what it harder is letting him go so he can grow, so I can grow. That saying comes to mind “of you let a bird go and it comes back, it was yours to begin with”, well I have no expectations except that in time healing and growth will be allowed to take place.
I won’t dwell on what’s lost, but in the bitter sweetness am thankful for many things.
A friend sent me the below message, and I have to say it is fitting.
“Dear Brave Girl,
Did you know that you have the right to make rules for your life? Did you know that you are the ONLY one who can make soul deep rules about what you want, how you want to feel, who you want to be with, what you want to spend your energy on and in what ways you want to contribute and give back to the world? Do you remember that you are the only one who can decide what YOU will tolerate and put up with?
Sometimes, beautiful friend, things happen in life that make us forget that we get to decide. Sometimes we just put ourselves on autopilot and take whatever comes along, thinking that we have to put up with all sorts of abuse, neglect and yuckiness…whether we are doing it to ourselves or letting others have that kind of influence in our lives.
Make some rules…you are worth the time it will take. You are worth the sacrifices it will take. Decide today what you want your life to look like, and then start living in ways that point only to that plan. It is entirely possible to live the life that your heart yearns to live, friend!! And it is never too late.
You are so very very very loved.
People are imperfect, and it takes a great love to cover the multitude of our sins. Such a great love.