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The Swim That Almost Never Happened

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Initially I thought I was helping a friend who, yesterday, felt a bit regretful that she didn’t have a good swim by preparing to swim on my “day off” with her.

As the day unfolded Jenn cancelled the swim in the sea due to unavoidable circumstances. Normally I would have just cancelled all together, but this time and for whatever reason I decided to still go and work on my own speed and form.

I reached before Alex, and noticed that it was such a beautiful Tuesday afternoon and the water was calm. Not like any of our swims before, I decided to stretch and go for a fast warm up. NY the time I was done Alex showed up for our swim.

Alex is a much faster swimmer than I, but I was happy to be alongside someone faster as I feel it would give me a goal to work towards. Friendly competition, to help us all get better at the sport.

As we swam I’d noticed that this swim wasn’t as gorgeous underwater as my previous post. I think this was due to the recent rainy weather we had in the last few days. But even so I’d noticed that more concentration was on my form and breathing.

I’d finally reached Public Beach. The half mile mark, and we took about one minute rest and started our way back. This time around I could feel my body warmed up really well, and my breathing was controlled as we seemed to be going fast and I was keeping up with Alex. Maybe we were swimming with the current, I can’t be sure.

My mind was clear, my strokes felt comfortable, my legs fluttering,my core held tight everything seemed to be working well. Towards the last section of the swim, I’d noticed that I was slowly but surely overtaking Alex. The only thing in my mind was the give it my all -not against Alex, but using this as a positive challenge and pushing my body, mind and spirit using what I’ve learned to the maximum.

I am very happy with this evenings swim. Unfortunately I don’t have a multi sport watch or other waterproof watch to have timed today’s swim, but I felt it was such a good swim.

What I’ve learned is that you mind has to be focused and clear, your soul at a balance with peace and using the tools learned one will perform well.

New Experiences

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Today was as normal a day than any. I decided, from the night before, to prepare my swim gear for Monday evening with the Ladies.

Normalcy was what I was looking for.

Without much thought I walked towards the waters edge, glancing around at the unrecognizable faces enjoying the afternoon beach. What a beautiful evening at the beach it was, the sand soft and white. The water calm and different shades of blue. The sun not quite ready to set, but it’s colours dashing on the water. All this is hadn’t yet recognized. Many thoughts of the night before dancing in my subconscious.

I decided to get a warm up before I’d meet with the girls. Warm ups would get the blood flowing. Plopped on my swim cap. Adjusted my goggles over my eyes then SPLASH, into the water I went. For a moment I just stopped, limbs not moving, and stared at the clear bottom of the sea bed. My mind went silent. As I watched my limbs floating, I could feel the water caressing my skin. I could actually feel the water.

For the first time in a while, I took in the beauty of the water. The way it holds you as you float or how it hugs your skin as your limbs move in slow motion. It was beautiful indeed.

My warm up was short and sweet and I hadn’t planned on exerting myself this evening. Felt a bit miserable really and decided that I would tell the Ladies that I’m only doing a short recovery swim.
     After my warm up, I saw them. They looked like they needed to relax also. Maybe a hard day. Jenn M wanted to swim a mile. Shit. Well maybe a mile is what I needed. Ok, I’ll swim a mile.

As we swam, like a learned habit, I’d noticed my strokes were one-two-three. Breathe. One-two-three. Breathe. Is this really me? I’d finally got the hang of breathing after every third stroke. Granted I wasn’t going very fast. Still I got it down.
    

After a few minutes swimming, I began noticing a variety of different fish darting across me and others jumping out of the water as they dashed forward. How cool is that? One-two-three. Breathe. My body gliding forward. My mind wasn’t trying to think on the weekends stress. It was blank. Just blank. Nope, not even a thought on whether any sharks were out. Blank. But I guess that is good.

Reached the turnaround point.  Took about 30 seconds. Interestingly I wasn’t panting very hard either. Hmm. Go. Each time I took two seconds to take in air over my right side, I would look at the sky. What a beautiful sun beginning to descend. There seemed to be a bit of dark greyish clouds out. Hope it doesn’t rain.

Mind still blank. But it’s a good thing. The quietness of myself is actually open to experiencing the beauty around me. It was really beautiful, too. I should do this more often. How blessed is this? What’s funny is that I’m actually getting to enjoy Cayman beach. Making the time to enjoy the waters, the sand, the sun setting on the horizon.

This is reason to smile today. Yes,it is.

Letting Go

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Is hard to do.

You tend to remember only the “good”, when faced with the only choice which is to let go.

The good, is not the whole picture.

Regardless of what your own heart has felt and showed him over time, it is what it is. He will always be in love with her.

He will always be too and fro, like a tumbleweed blowing whichever way the wind pleases.

But the choice, the only choice, to let go has to begin and continue with you.

Be strong, they say. Being strong is much easier said than done. But being strong, knowing that you deserve much more than he is ever willing to give, is the only saviour.

Purpose in your heart to forgive yourself. To forgive him, and her in time. But purpose in your heart to never look back. This isn’t about holding grudges or being rude, it’s about coming through.

Purpose in your heart to not replay his awful words said in anger over the period of the year, or yours to him I’m those last days. Not to believe what he purposed in his heart against you. Who is he? Mere young man. Who are we all? Mere humans.

It also is not about keeping higher walls against him or persons like him. Protecting yourself comes by sound wisdom and judgment, and not the happiness in the emotions and flesh. Walls do protect, but they also act as barriers that you can’t get out.

I am no expert in letting go, I held on for as long as I could hoping and wishing that he would want to love me. But it is what it is and this was never meant to be.

She

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She is beautiful, even though he won’t see it.

She is willing to love him, even though it’s not good enough for him.

She is loyal to him, even though he disrespected her.

She is broken because of him.

She questions herself, why isn’t she good enough? What can she change so that he would want to cherish and love her? Deep down passing all the hurts
he has caused, she knows there is nothing she can do. He is who he is, and he will always disappoint her in his choices.

He only choice is to accept courting from another man who wants her.

Choose Your Choice

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“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.”
Steve Maraboli

Laying here in my bed, I think over the events of the day.  One thing struck at me and that is my ability to choose.  The truth is we all have the power and ability of choice in everyday life.  Choose how we are going to react in a situation.  Choose what we are going to eat or wear.  Choices choices choices.

Sometimes choices can have consequences, both good and bad.  Not every choice will be agreeable to many, but your choice has to be right for you and/or your loved ones. 

Part of this power in choice is actually making it and sticking with what you feel and believe is right.  Those things you cherish and value most in life shouldn’t be stifled. They should be allowed to grow and breathe. 

I should take my own prescription.  The things I value and cherish needs to grow and breathe. 

Silencia!

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Silence can feel deafening. It can seem like that one element that breaks a relationship in half. It can also look betraying to a voice that should speak out for change, but doesn’t.

I have grown to believe that silence itself is unbiased. It doesn’t care what color, gender, sexual orientation or religious belief we are. Silence just “is”.

I also believe that because of silence we are able to see depths of our soul. We can calm our emotions as if calming a raging bull. Through silence we can also find solutions to issues. Silence acts as a magnifier to things we would not ordinarily see or hear or feel, that is, when we give silence a chance.

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