Category Archives: Growth

Weekend of Wonder


They say that life can change in a matter of minutes, I believe that.  This past weekend was one of wonder, in the beginning it was not one of pleasurable wonder but a rather painful but as I ponder I think that lives can change, whether for the bad or good, in a matter of minutes.  Mind you the situation was in the making for months, and as for the red flags well I completely bypassed them because I wanted what I wanted and all I could see was my desires and not the truth that was staring me in the face from the beginning.

Hearing truth is hard, but I think only for those who hold on tightly to what they want.  Having to let go, despite your own desires is a painful thing.  In this situation I had to let go because the truth was so blatant, so raw, so real and true that there was no other way.   I do wish things would be different, and in my favor but for one wishing for something isn’t helping anyone (in fact it likely only keeps you in denial!) and two you have to see things for what they are and accept that things won’t change.  Once you do both of those two things then you are in a better position to make a decision and/or just move onward.

I did some wondering.  I wondered what life would be like if things were different and in my favor.  Would I be happier?  Would I be satisfied?  I don’t really know.  But even so, wondering the ‘what if’s’ can’t do anything but help to keep me dwelling in something that is and has past.  After I did the wondering, I decided to live in the present and accept what is and what has past, and to live for me.

We can’t change the way people think and feel about us or how they decided to treat us, whether positive or negative, but we can change how we receive (and if we receive) the negatives from other people.  We can decide not to dwell on the emotionally negatives, but to accept what is (even when negative) and change how we move forward.

By no means do I write that all of this is easy, and to each his or her own, but all things are possible.  And the fact that there is possibility in the midst of difficulty, makes it all the more reason to take the opportunity.



Trying to Fit In

Trying to Fit In

I spent the better part of my life trying to fit in with the popular crowd. Standing on the outside just hoping to get a chance to “be” something. It always intrigued me (sort of like the mall is to a shopaholic), the way the popular folk moved and interacted with one another. Something about how I saw them, made me believe that I would find fulfillment in being accepted by them.

What I realized over time, and oftentimes have to be reminded by, is that I lacked that love for myself. I was searching for that love that others would give me and oddly enough never finding it in others.

The gaping truth is that I needed to find it in me.

By standing back and observing these types of groups, what I have found is that they all are just people. People with insecurities, shortcomings, great personalities, poor personalities, and the list goes on. They are just humans just as I am. We are finite beings and I have been desiring a temporary fulfillment.

After the sun sets what I’m left with is that I am good enough. I believe in me more and more as each day passes as each occasion to decline people-pleasing arises – I am finding fulfillment in being myself and seeing a strength I hadn’t recognized before.


Dear Diary: I Dwell.


6 March 2013

Dwelling. Dwell. To “dwell” in the context of our emotions and thoughts is to remain in the same place, using the same framework of old feeling and thought patterns for everything.
The opposite is to move forward, to let go, to journey towards the new or another beginning.

The action of not dwelling on a thing or opinion from another is easier said than done when this is something habitual. I don’t have all the answers (neither do I want them!) and people will do as people’s hearts so choose, but coming to accept that there is nothing I can do to change the past – I believe is the first step towards moving past the dwelling stage.

I’ve found that another step is in the “here and now”. The goal is to love myself. To improve on myself and those areas where I know I need to improve on. To do…”me”!

I’ve also found that there are few and far between folkes one will come across in any given lifetime, who can see the real you underneath. Who can appreciate you, who can be direct with you yet still be willing to love you. These people keep close by.

Keep your chin up. Focus and keep going. Let go of the dwelling areas as these serves only as anchors, not balloons.

Laying Down of Pride

Laying Down of Pride

“Teach thy tongue to say, “I do not know”, and thous shalt progress” ~ Maimonides

I read this quote recently and I had to agree 100%. To me the underlying meaning is about “pride”, and the laying down of ones pride in order to learn. To improve. To grow.

As a first post, I believe this sums up how I feel, excellently. Life is about learning, improving and growing – to do that is to embrace being okay with “not knowing” and cultivating that willingness to be taught.

Easier said than done, I know. But sometimes to get where you need to go, you must be open to the challenge.