Yesterday I wrote about “what if”, and part of that was honestly seeking forgiveness for things done against another.
Today I did just that. I sought forgiveness from her, for my mishandling of the situation. I spoke of nothing other. She also offered her apologies.
This afternoon he was angry. Didn’t want to see my heart. He said I needed to pay the consequences of my not obeying him in speaking with her. His consequences was that he was going to block me out of his life for good.
I cried. I cried because how could someone be so cold hearted to spite all of the “good” and block me out for my seeking forgiveness for my wrong doing against the third party? I cried because how could she have taken my apology and twisted it? I cried because Dear God I could not understand that when I have tried to do “good” and seek forgiveness for something that was bothering me for so long, this was the backlash that I received.
I sought forgiveness and she apologized, and my conscience is clear. My asking forgiveness was all I wanted to say and I said it. My heart is clear.
He will not see my heart, and I have fought for him to see my good but he won’t.
In partial response to yesterday’s post on “what if’, sometimes the backlash that you get when you honestly try to be good and do good is not favorable. Sometimes it means that people you love will choose to walk out of your life. But I accept his position today, and will allow him to walk away and keep going.
His actions show that he isn’t the one for me, and you know what? Even though it hurts so much, even though I will cry at times – it will be OK.
It will be OK because when the right man comes along and sees my heart, he will know how to love it. He will not allow anything or anyone to break it.
Today, my heart and conscience is clear.
Tomorrow I stand up for myself. I believe in the impossible-possibilities.