Monthly Archives: May 2014

Yikes! Half Marathon in the Near Future

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Last year after having participated in the relay portion of the annual Intertrust Marathon held in December,  I dug deep inside and found that as another personal challenge I wanted to take on the half marathon.

It isn’t common for people to wake up one day and decide to do a half marathon.  A half marathon looks and sounds very easy, but to truly appreciate what it is like comes from listening to the stories of those who have ran that or the full marathon. 

Participating in the relay portion last December inspired me to take on another challenge, this time for me.  while chatting with my friend K about my choice for this year, I told him that I’m not running to win or to compete against others but to challenge myself to overcome what I didn’t think I could.  Having said that to K, he quickly found the below pic that was quite fitting:

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For me, the 2014 theme for the half-marathon is exactly that: overcoming the things I thought that I could not do. 
For me I know that it will take great personal planning,  execution, commitment,  motivation and encouragement to stay the course and to finish my race.  I won’t bother state what I’m not, and in so doing secretly comparing myself in a negative way to those who are advanced in their runs, but I can say that my heart is very willing and eager to do this. 

I will open myself up to a new experience and embrace whatever lessons it will bring me, and those persons whose paths I will cross. 

I am in love with running. 

For now, I am Bib #239.

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One Day at A Time

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I keep telling myself, in reflection of the recent events. 

Parts of today was emotional, but that is only because I was feeling like the victim.  Not that I didn’t have rights to feel that way, but I kept this mentality for too long now. 

There has been an outpouring of old friends that I hadn’t seen in quite a long time, that were now coming back into my lif one by one.  I am overwhelmed and very thankful that at this moment they are here in my life and bringing joy of all sorts. This helps me to see that there is more to life than focusing on one thing, a kind of a balance to it.

What’s important is re-prioritizing my priorities, choosing to have compassion on myself and accepting my reality.  Also choosing not to harbour hate or fear of the unknown.  But actively letting go, and choosing to let go of negative energy, thoughts and emotions. 

I know that who I am is a caring person, and I can’t stop being me because a situation didn’t work out in my favor.  

Through the abundance of friends this past week, I am able to see broader and conclude that everything will be ok. 

Cheers to old friends, cheers to overcoming,  cheers to still loving in spite of everything.  

Waiting for Something Greater

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A good friend of mine, K,  told me that the best lessons are those you experience.  I have to agree with him to a point, while I don’t want to feel emotional pain the experience of certain situations tend to be more lasting. 

Specifically in matters of the heart I realize that you can not stay with someone who doesn’t care or want you.    Unfortunately a lot of the pain we feel, for those good women and men, from others that we are with are because that significant other is just not the one for you.  Accepting that and making the decision to move on in spite of your emotional ties to that significant other is a tough hill to climb, but “cudos” goes to those persons who do make the decision to ‘keep it moving’.

In keeping it moving we often tend to hold anger towards that person in the relationship who we know have done us wrong, and while it is okay to feel the emotions that we do, it is not okay to fester and act on the anger. 

Recently what I found that helps are people who are strong support systems.  By strong, I mean that they are objective, direct and honest with you but also will be there to comfort you at your lowest point – these are the types of people you should keep in your life.  Those who can build you up when you have been torn down. 

It takes time, I tell myself.  Time to heal and truly forgive the situation, the person and yourself.  Don’t be in a rush to forgive, but when you do that would be the final chapter to closing that book and letting go of toxic relationships.  Then wait for, find and love someone who knows how to really love you back!

Making that first step to the rest of my life starts with removing persons who are in my life and aren’t right for me, started with letting go.  Goodbye P.

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Learn to Love the Fool In You

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“I must learn to love the fool in me, the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries.” – Theodore Isaac Rubin

This quote especially touched me this past weekend.  What I grasped was that we need to love ourselves,  the good and bad.  Also, that we can’t burden others with the task of loving us, for us. 
It seems quite freeing to find happiness and love in oneself, rather than seeking it from outside sources.  Be it clothing, drugs,  various dates with men/women – whatever it is can not produce true and lasting happiness and love. That has to come from inside. 

I can’t give a difinitive guideline as to how to love yourself, but I know it first comes with accepting who you are.  Who you are can be shaped by the experiences had throughout ones lifetime,  and it can also be shaped by ones own values in the face of experiences. 

Loving yourself is also being OK with messing up, falling flat on your face, making a fool of yourself, being the opposite of what society wants (and the list goes on!).  Just being YOU in the face of opposition is in itself very freeing.  After all, you know yourself better than anyone else.

Loving yourself also means picking yourself up when you do fall, dusting the dirt off of your hands and knees and staring again.  It’s being persistent in adversity.  Knowing when to give up and let go.  Yet being gentle to comfort yourself when hurt. 

I absolutely do not believe that loving yourself is selfish. Yes, there are extremes but I am not speaking in those contexts. I believe in taking care of oneself, not necessarily in the fashion or beautification sense but internally, emotionally and mentally.

We all need to take time for us to breathe and be free.

Running Moment

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I had another “moment” this evening.  See, I planned from the niggt before to run a short 5k but when five o’clock came I really didn’t feel up to going.  I’m glad I didn’t listen to that negativity!   I forced myself to change and found a route, which was less than a 5k but I improvised. 

I stretched and warmed up by brisk walking then got into my run.  During, I noticed that while my body seemed prepared to endure the run my breathing seemed…shallow (for lack of a better terminology).  It was as if I couldn’t take in enough air.  Either that or I wasn’t paying attention to regulating my breathing patterns.  So I stopped a couple of times and brisk walked.  I kept telling myself that I’m not here to push myself beyond what I could honestly do, however, I pushed myself past my comfort pace and tried running in the 9 minute mile range. 

It wasn’t until I was nearing the 5k mark when I felt a deep sense of freedom and joy.  I’d truly missed those alone runs, but more so that I knew I was improving albeit slowly but still improving.  Today,  I did exceed my past 5k personal best by finishing in a time of 32:16.  I was joyful.

There’s something to be said about getting out and exercising, whether it be run in,  cycling, swimming etc.  Do what you love or try something new.

I really enjoyed today.

Being Brave

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We all have ups and downs.  It is a part of life.  I’ve been thinking for the last day,  that I can’t regret “P” in my life.  I so very much have grown to love him.  But what it harder is letting him go so he can grow, so I can grow.   That saying comes to mind “of you let a bird go and it comes back, it was yours to begin with”, well I have no expectations except that in time healing and growth will be allowed to take place.

I won’t dwell on what’s lost, but in the bitter sweetness am thankful for many things. 

A friend sent me the below message, and I have to say it is fitting.

“Dear Brave Girl,

Did you know that you have the right to make rules for your life? Did you know that you are the ONLY one who can make soul deep rules about what you want, how you want to feel, who you want to be with, what you want to spend your energy on and in what ways you want to contribute and give back to the world? Do you remember that you are the only one who can decide what YOU will tolerate and put up with?

Sometimes, beautiful friend, things happen in life that make us forget that we get to decide. Sometimes we just put ourselves on autopilot and take whatever comes along, thinking that we have to put up with all sorts of abuse, neglect and yuckiness…whether we are doing it to ourselves or letting others have that kind of influence in our lives.

Make some rules…you are worth the time it will take. You are worth the sacrifices it will take. Decide today what you want your life to look like, and then start living in ways that point only to that plan. It is entirely possible to live the life that your heart yearns to live, friend!! And it is never too late.

You are so very very very loved.
xoxo”

People are imperfect, and it takes a great love to cover the multitude of our sins. Such a great love. 

Left, Left, Left-Right-Left

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Left, Left, Left-Right-Left

It seems as though I am falling into that groove of running. For the last 2-3 weeks now I have had a bit of a struggle finding and settling on a routine for the days of my runs. But I’m happy to finally see and feel that fit taking shape.

Tonight I attended, for the third Wednesday in a row, a running club. During the run and about halfway through our route there was a moment when I could hear our footsteps moving in unison and for that moment I realized that I truly enjoy running. Not only do I enjoy it, but I can feel the improvements in my physique.

Tonight we did 5 reps of 7 minute runs and 1 min walks. Finishing up with three 2 minute runs and 2 minute walks, then a final cool down walk back to the start/finish point.

Some things I have noticed: my breathing is more regulated, more in-through-the-nose and out-through-the-nose. Today, for the first time, I ran without my crutch: water bottle in hand. The route was a 5k, so really not that long of a run that one would need a water bottle. Also, I made sure that my water in-take the day before and today were sufficient to keep me hydrated.

One of the other personal accomplishments is that this is my third run where I am not using my music. Last Wednesday by chance I decided to try the route without my music, but still using the Nike app on my phone to track and record our run. When I tried this last week, I was pleasantly surprised that I was more able to concentrate on proper breathing and running for – it was a fantastic run then and still is now. Music has and eill have its place, but for right now on my short runs I am also giving up another crutch. Being without music, I kept focused on regulating my own breathing and running form. What I noticed was that I was not panting hard and out through the mouth. My breaths were more controlled and in-through-the-nose and out-through-the-nose.

I have to acknowledge and am thankful for the running club “WNRC” and the positivity I sense every Wednesday. They are a good source of encouragement and help in my quest to be a better runner. Also, you cannot exercise and eat unhealthy! Eating the right foods and taking proper vitamins will go a long way in keeping you energized and healthy.

Thanks also to my “P”, who encourages me to eat and maintain a healthy body, and mind.

I leave you with this: coming out of your comfort zone, is a freeing thing. Do what makes you happy as for me, this is running.

Choose Your Choice

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“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.”
Steve Maraboli

Laying here in my bed, I think over the events of the day.  One thing struck at me and that is my ability to choose.  The truth is we all have the power and ability of choice in everyday life.  Choose how we are going to react in a situation.  Choose what we are going to eat or wear.  Choices choices choices.

Sometimes choices can have consequences, both good and bad.  Not every choice will be agreeable to many, but your choice has to be right for you and/or your loved ones. 

Part of this power in choice is actually making it and sticking with what you feel and believe is right.  Those things you cherish and value most in life shouldn’t be stifled. They should be allowed to grow and breathe. 

I should take my own prescription.  The things I value and cherish needs to grow and breathe.