Monthly Archives: March 2014

My Lesson From A Golf Ball

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My Lesson From A Golf Ball

I haven’t been out running for quite some time now, lackadaisical on my part, but I decided no time was better than the present. So I coaxed myself out of bed this morning, got into my running gear, ate a quick toasted blueberry bagel, then slid into my car and into the Wednesday morning traffic.

The area that I chose is a golfing area that has a perfect 5k loop. This area is and has been popular to golfers as well as general public for evening walks and runs. Since it is generally a popular area, for precaution, the golfing establishment posted various warning signs surrounding the area. Although there are warning signs, the general public often use the area at their own risk.

Since I had not actually been “running” for a while, I devised a plan: I was going to do the 5k loop twice, first by walking, then graduate to running it. So, off I went. On my walk I was glad to see a few people out running. When I see people out exercising sometimes I feel like shouting “atta boy/girl”.

It was mostly a quiet morning. Few runners passed. Few golfers were out. Mostly a quiet morning. As I rounded the last section of the loop my eyes caught sight of my car in the distance. Also in the line of view were two golfers teeing off. As one golfer swung I saw the ball go up then disappeared and I thought to myself “what if you were hit by a golf ball?” I changed my gaze and kept walking. Just before I was going to jog to the finish, by my car, out of nowhere I saw a flash of white then felt a thump on my upper right thigh. I was stunned. For those next few seconds I just grabbed air and held my side. It was unbelievable! As I hobbled away the gentlemen came to say “sorry” but I was too stunned and upset to know what to do – so I hobbled away.

As I hobbled my initial thoughts were pitiful-why-me. But as quick as that thought came another replaced it and I began to feel grateful that that golf ball didn’t hit a vital body part! After those feelings of gratefulness, I pondered on the comparison of being hit by a straying golf ball (clearly unintentional!) to those negative things that happen to us in life and just as I had gotten up from wincing at the pain we have to get up and carry onwards. At life’s negative moments cry if you must, but at some point you need to pick yourself up and keep going.

I can laugh at the randomness of being hit by a stray golf ball now, and I’m sure will be a funny ice-breaker at gatherings, but the lessons from this moment will be with me always.

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A Love Through Imperfections

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There is a song by John Legend called “All of Me”, quite a beautiful song if you’ve ever heard it sung. The song is about one giving themselves fully to another and the one loving all of the others’ imperfections, all of the rough edges.

Whenever I hear this song my emotions would get aroused and I would feel desiring of that kind of love from someone else – to love all of me, all of my imperfections. That kind of promise – to love someone’s imperfections – is easy to sing about and easier to say.

Well, today while in my drive home from work I heard this song on the radio. When the song reached the stanza on loving the imperfections, I began to make a comparison to the real-life imperfections that we all have. I thought, can someone really love all of another’s’ imperfections? If they were to know and see the personality/characteristic issues, the fears, the irrational thoughts, the ADD, the emotional roller coaster, can one love that or is John Legend brushing the reality under the carpet just to sell a good song that people can be emotionally motivated by?

My own opinions, right now, is that you first choose to love the person and not the things they do. Second, I get the feeling that the “imperfections” are those things someone really can’t help, like height or skin colour or certain fears or childhood issues etc. To me love itself is pure and should always be pure and there are some things that if one can help they change within themselves, because of love.

Well, I think it is possible.

When you really consider the implications of this song, you have to conclude that this kind of love is not a surface kind to be easily said or sung – it is quite deep.

Here is John Legends song “All of Me” ;

Going Through a Process

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Going Through a Process

I am convinced that some people are in our lives for specific reasons, while some are just there as passers by.

Specifically, I am thinking about a great girlfriend of mine that I’ve known for almost 10 years. As a brief background, we met in the same place of employment became friends then we both moved on to different employers. Over the next few years we met up in brief periods, then in late 2012 we found each other again and have been close since.

We met up today after a few weeks of procrastination. We hadn’t planned on making it a full afternoon, but the conversation was just that good. I don’t see her everyday, yet when we do get together it is as if time apart didn’t exist.

Part of todays conversation surrounded the hair care process it took for her to first go “natural” (no straightening with chemicals etc) and second to match the personality of her hair with the products that would agree. For the entire conversation I was intrigued, as I always am, by her energy and passion on loving who she is as a woman and the essence of womanhood.

As we spoke on the natural hair subject, it dawned on me. It’s the process that I found distasteful. I remembered my own process in trying to achieve the natural hair, several years ago, and what came to mind was (1) I couldn’t wait through the process of growing my straight ends out – so I cut all the long straight parts off so the short natural curls would show and (2) when my hair was growing out in natural form, I didn’t know how to maintain proper care for it – so I chemically straightened it. The process. The process.

Generally speaking it is the process that I run from, yet as my friend spoke on the process it took for her hair to reach the stage it is at now she animatedly gleamed in her advice of the importance in going through the process. According to her, she has learned many things in her journey with her hair and she LOVES it all! Well I was just astonished. To me it was almost unheard of to enjoy walking through a process, but as I watched and listened to her speak on it I began to realize that in general terms – the process is necessary for sound growth, knowledge and wisdom. How could one not want that!

What I got from today’s conversations was that in a process, there can be few or many stages. At each stage there is a specific thing to be learned which can then help you in the next stage or simply to learn for that stage only. Specifically the maintenance routine my girlfriend did when her hair was short is completely different to what she does now that it is much longer. As her hair grew, so did she.

Today, I’ve learned to embrace the process.

A Runners Diary (Late Post)

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A Runners Diary (Late Post)

14 October 2013

I’ve been running now for about two months. How I came into running, was a per chance occasion. See, I’ve been procrastinating for almost three years to run in the Cayman Islands Annual Intertrust Marathon on 1 December 2013. This year by chance I found a colleague who wanted to run in a four-person relay race and who was looking for other interested parties to join her. I saw the opportunity and took it.

We finally started training consistently together for over a month now. Last week and this week we are up to running four miles, two miles shy of our relay-leg. Honestly, from beginning to right now, this journey has been filled with so many beautiful things. For one, I’ve met many different people who share the same types of fitness goals and who are motivated to achieve them! Also, along the journey others have given their support and encouragement in various ways.

I will detail more in the future, but for now I can say that what I am experiencing is as if another chance or door has opened up for me to be able to see what differentness looks like. I like it.

Sometimes you just need to experience a good run by yourself. Tonight was a good run. I hadn’t been out running by myself for just over a month now. I wasn’t prepared to run this evening, but I felt like I needed to clear my head from my own thoughts of the day. So I went.

The run itself was beautiful. I’m a slow runner but I am trying to build on distance rather than speed. When I started out this evening, I hadn’t planned on running more then 2 or 3 miles but during the run I just felt like I wanted to go further. It was as if my body wanted more of the road. On the way my iPod battery died and ordinarily I would have allowed its death to ruin my run, but this time I paid no attention to the minor glitch.

I found myself wanting to run, tasting the run, hoping for more. I could hear my regulated breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth. The beating of my heart, steadily as I ran on. Every so often I found myself looking down at my feet. For the most part, my looking down at my feet was because I would start to feel like I wanted to give up, and looking down at my feet somehow seemed to encourage me to continue onwards. On the return leg, my thoughts shifted to what running means to me. I hadn’t planned on being sentimental at all, but I welcomed this train of thoughts. I decided that running means a great deal to me, because it has found many new acquaintances some of which are going to be friends. It has also taught me a lot about myself, in particular commitment towards the impending goal in December 2013. It has also taught me that there is always tomorrow, if I don’t pound the pavement very well today then I have tomorrow to try again. Running has changed my focus from self-absorbed weight-loss to fitness, freedom, passion, excitement, commitment, motivation, to say the least.

What I also found during tonights good run, was a small intimate voice of motivation. A voice loving, unafraid, certain of itself, strong and true – after I finished the run I realized that that voice was me.

Take a Chai Break

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Take a Chai Break

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At some point during the work day, usually around 3pm, I have been having a tea break. No, I haven’t been shirking off from work! We are given two 15 minute breaks per day, mid-morning and mid-afternoon. While I don’t normally take both breaks, lately I have been making it a point to have at least one break on any given work day and drink tea.

I have decided that my break-time tea fav, is: Chai.

I interpret the 15 minute breaks as a time for employees to either de-stress from work or whatever personal situation that needed to be dealt with, refocus and come back to the flow. What I would do is simply go into one of the allocated boardrooms, make the instant tea, sit and look out the window at the vast land of Cayman. Did I mention this was from the 6th floor? So yes, I am seeing quite a lot of the Western side to Cayman.

This afternoon I do have some things on my mind but my reasonings for sitting here while glancing out the window with my Chai, isn’t to de-stress. This afternoon I am just living in the moment.

Tomorrow will take care of itself, right now I am enjoying this cup of Chai Tea and my view.

Have a cup of tea!

Trying to Fit In

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Trying to Fit In

I spent the better part of my life trying to fit in with the popular crowd. Standing on the outside just hoping to get a chance to “be” something. It always intrigued me (sort of like the mall is to a shopaholic), the way the popular folk moved and interacted with one another. Something about how I saw them, made me believe that I would find fulfillment in being accepted by them.

What I realized over time, and oftentimes have to be reminded by, is that I lacked that love for myself. I was searching for that love that others would give me and oddly enough never finding it in others.

The gaping truth is that I needed to find it in me.

By standing back and observing these types of groups, what I have found is that they all are just people. People with insecurities, shortcomings, great personalities, poor personalities, and the list goes on. They are just humans just as I am. We are finite beings and I have been desiring a temporary fulfillment.

After the sun sets what I’m left with is that I am good enough. I believe in me more and more as each day passes as each occasion to decline people-pleasing arises – I am finding fulfillment in being myself and seeing a strength I hadn’t recognized before.

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Silencia!

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Silence can feel deafening. It can seem like that one element that breaks a relationship in half. It can also look betraying to a voice that should speak out for change, but doesn’t.

I have grown to believe that silence itself is unbiased. It doesn’t care what color, gender, sexual orientation or religious belief we are. Silence just “is”.

I also believe that because of silence we are able to see depths of our soul. We can calm our emotions as if calming a raging bull. Through silence we can also find solutions to issues. Silence acts as a magnifier to things we would not ordinarily see or hear or feel, that is, when we give silence a chance.

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Being Positive Above All

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There is something to be said about the idea of “positivity”. While I know the act of positivity can’t change a thing or circumstance, I realize that it can change something equally (if not more) important. That is your attitude.

I was one who had a negative attitude. I find that I still do in certain circumstances. But as I live I learn that how I choose to perceive things matter. If I choose to perceive and internalize, say, a broken friendship as a negative thing, then the burdens are many. But if I choose to perceive it as a positive opportunity then there really are no burdens.

Being positive isn’t lying to yourself. It isn’t putting a temporary bandaid on a problem. It is seeing that there is a problem but choosing to not be defined by that problem! It is also freeing to be positive. When I say “freeing” I mean freeing you from the box so that you can romp around outside of said box and let your life carry on around whatever problems arise.

Negativity is very heavy and dark and lonesome and stagnant.

In the least, positivity helps give you hope and courage and tenacity to move forward and do what you need to do to get things done.

That’s how I see it anyway.

Insecurities: The Jealous Friend

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In friendship circles what we consider as those school-yard inter-personal rifts can play out in adulthood.

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We can become jealous and territorial when we feel that our friend likes another more than us or someone else is taking our friend away from us. Childish? On the surface, yes, but the truth is that we all have insecurities and emotions that can cause us to act in a way that is considered socially unacceptable.

I have found that a healthy, adult, way of dealing with these feelings and emotions is to first recognize my insecurity. That is, to be honest with myself! Then to have that one-on-one conversation and be open and honest with my friend of what I feel.

By being open and honest, the idea is to work through your insecurities and to cultivate healthy friendships.

Within friendship circles there are various types of friends. Not everyone will have the same relationship, and you don’t have to. Every relationship is built on different things and, that, is a-okay! Focus on you and your friend, focus on what makes your friendship great and live that out.

Dear Diary: I Dwell.

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Thursday
6 March 2013

Dwelling. Dwell. To “dwell” in the context of our emotions and thoughts is to remain in the same place, using the same framework of old feeling and thought patterns for everything.
The opposite is to move forward, to let go, to journey towards the new or another beginning.

The action of not dwelling on a thing or opinion from another is easier said than done when this is something habitual. I don’t have all the answers (neither do I want them!) and people will do as people’s hearts so choose, but coming to accept that there is nothing I can do to change the past – I believe is the first step towards moving past the dwelling stage.

I’ve found that another step is in the “here and now”. The goal is to love myself. To improve on myself and those areas where I know I need to improve on. To do…”me”!

I’ve also found that there are few and far between folkes one will come across in any given lifetime, who can see the real you underneath. Who can appreciate you, who can be direct with you yet still be willing to love you. These people keep close by.

Keep your chin up. Focus and keep going. Let go of the dwelling areas as these serves only as anchors, not balloons.